Queries Are Like Dating Apps (and Other Terrifying Truths)

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Querying is basically Tinder for manuscripts.

You’ve got a polished profile (your query letter), an alluring headshot (your first pages), and a dream that someone out there will finally say: “Yes. This is The One.”

The problem? Just like dating apps, the whole process can feel like a never-ending scroll of mismatched swipes, accidental ghosting, and suspiciously generic “not for me” responses. But don’t worry—love (and representation) is out there. You just need the right strategy.

Step One: Craft the Perfect Profile

On a dating app, your bio can’t just say “I like long walks on the beach.” On a query letter, you can’t just say “This book is for everyone.” Specifics matter.

• Query cliché: “My book will appeal to all readers.”

• Better version: “This YA rom-com will resonate with fans of _____’s BOOK TITLE.”

Specific > vague. Always.

Step Two: Choose the Right Matches

You wouldn’t swipe right on someone whose profile says “Only interested in people who own llamas” unless you, in fact, own a llama. (And if you do—respect.)

Same rule with agents. Do your research. Sending your erotica to an agent who only reps kidlit is the querying equivalent of showing up on a date with a live snake when the other person specifically said they hate reptiles.

Step Three: Rejection Happens (and It’s Not Personal)

Sometimes, you think you’ve found the one. They laughed at your witty bio, you had great banter, and then… it doesn’t work out.

Rejections in querying are the same. Sometimes it’s not about you at all—it’s about timing, personal taste, or the fact that the agent is drowning in submissions. Remember: one person’s “meh” is another’s “MARRY ME.”

Step Four: Know Your Red Flags

• Dating app red flag: Their only photo is from ten years ago.

• Query red flag: Your manuscript is 350,000 words and “will be bigger than Harry Potter.”

• Dating app red flag: They neg you in the first message.

• Query red flag: “If you don’t sign me, you’ll regret it.”

Yes, these are real things people send me. No, they don’t work.

Step Five: Celebrate the Yes

At some point, you’ll get a match. An agent will say, “I’d love to see more.” And eventually, maybe, “Let’s work together.” Cue confetti cannons, champagne, and awkward dancing in your kitchen.

Because here’s the truth: you don’t need everybody to love your book. You just need the right somebody.

Querying, like dating, is terrifying, exhilarating, and occasionally absurd. But remember: every “no” just gets you closer to the “yes” that actually matters.

So polish your profile, choose your matches wisely, and keep swiping—uh, querying. Love is out there.